Just Your Average Sam

She sits quietly
But a raging lion roars ferociously inside her mind
Silent yet deadly
Angry but cool to the touch
Contemplating the world
Relationships
Friendships
Or the Lack Thereof
Alone in her indulgences and yet wanting to be seperated
She sees herself standing there, no more than an arm's length away
Yet she cannot touch
She cannot feel
She just stares
Feeling the turmoil admist the warmth inside her stomach
Cool panes frost over her fingertips as she looks for something substantial
But nothing is there
Telephone picks up the deaf tones of silence on the other end
There is nothing more to say
There way really nothing to begin with
Let go the time that has passed by us
As we standin our own seperate worlds and the ties have been cut
You are not who you think you are
And if you think you are you then you are wrong
You will not read this
Like the unopened newspaper wrapped securely in a red plastic bag
Sitting at the end of a driveway
In the middle of a rainstorm
Wishing for more
Having so much to say
Yet the only time the message is detected is when there is nothing better on TV
The signal is fading
The lion stands raging
Ferocious
Unafraid but careful not to burst
The fear of spilling out and never begin recovered remains in her mind
Let it be
Yet Be - yourself
There is nothing more to say now
Drifting slowly like a sailboat in the middle of calm seas
Your vessel is drifting away and her lure remains within her grasp
There is nothing left to give
Because standing any longer would bring nothing but misery
Unattained fairyales never come true
Listen to the silent rage of the animal within
So thoughtful, strong, powerful, regal and esteemed
Hush now little lion, close your eyes and fall to sleep
Endure the blue eclipse that wishes to cover your entire being with its serenity
Quiet your mind and fall into a tingling sleep
Tomorrow brings a new day
Purged, and uneventful - walk over the bridge
and never, ever look back

Recently I had a conversation with a friend who, being single, has decided to invest in a book called Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by comedian Steve Harvey. This book was created to help women understand the complex nature of a man. To read his 'signals' and learn how to play the player - so to speak. I had to reflect on my own past when I'd purchased Dr Phil's book Love Smart after leaving my daughters father. On the surface I wanted the book to teach me about myself, help me figure men out and how to make them want me and truly love me... but subconsciously all I really wanted was to learn how to make a man love me. {Fast Foward: The book didn't do that, but it does make for great bathroom reading}


That was over 3 years ago. Looking back I can tell you that I did actually find the answers I was looking for in a great book - the Bible. The book is a bestseller, it's written by the ultimate self-help guide and can teach you not only how to live on this Earth - but more importantly how to earn life forever. How cool is that?


If you just found yourself rolling your eyes or beginning to click that little X in the top right corner of your page - LISTEN UP. This blog was written for you. That's right. This morning as I listened to my church Pastor I actually scrambled to pull out my pen and write down words that I truly feel helped tranform my mind about alot of those I know & love. He said that the most cynical men are those who were once full of hope [from religion] but were ultimately greatly disappointed the most. Those words spoke to me. They moved me. -- I mean I wrote them down didn't I?!

The Lord never promised to anyone that life would be easy. In fact -there is no way to promise you anything about walking by faith. I cannot tell you how many times I've tripped over stones [that seemed as big as mountains at the time] and thought that God had forsaken me. 'How could this happen to me?" "I thought I asked you not to let this happen!" "Please fix this!" "Why? What did I do?" .."Are you even listening to me?!"


I've come to realize two things: First - it's that we cannot change the world around us or those we love. We can, and should, pray for them and hope for the best. Life happens though and the fact of the matter is we cannot control what happens around us. All we can do is to be in continual prayer. It is when we stop praying and stop turning to God for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and let Satan get a foothold to say "I thought he said this kind of thing wouldn't happen" that we lose sight of God, lose our faith in Him and allow the world to suck us in.

Second is this - it is all too easy to see the world in a negative light, it's easy to get wrapped up in self-pity, anger, wrath, temptation, gluttony, depression and all of the other ailments and despairs that the enemy would loveto have us feel.

The only thing you can do is to be full of Spirit. Do not take offense, do not grumble - make a decision DAILY to Die To Self. How amazing would it be to be able to say "I am controlled by my faith". Wow. What if we, instead of seeing only a dollar in our wallet, give preference to others and see only the man standing outside the McDonald's with a "Homeless and Hungry" sign and see the potential to make a difference in that man's life today? Buy him a sandwich, the glass of water is free - say nothing but God Bless and hand him that food. Plant the seed. Many of us are so afraid to share our faith with others - but we can show our faith by our actions & our words. The old addage says "actions speak louder than words". Think about it. Remember how you felt when you watched Pay It Forward and do it within the means of your own life. Have Faith. Your reward is promised!

Today I want to encourage you to remember that our God is the God of forgiveness and He does not condemn. When you ask for forgiveness - you've got it. If the enemy tries to sneak that thought back into your mind - rebuke him!

President Obama vowed to sign the Freedom of Choice Act into law. If you don't know what the FOCA will do, click here to read a great article from Moms on the Right. Two of the things that stand out to me are the fact that FOCA will use taxpayer money for abortions, and, it will require states to allow partial-birth and other types of abortions.


This will be a huge issue in the coming months... ProLife organizations are already gearing up for a big fight. I'm praying that this act won't become law.


"If men strive, and hurt a women with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow: he shall be surely punished, according as the woman's husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges determine. And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life." (Ex.21:22-23)

I thought I'd recap on a recent outing I had solo. (yes, w/out kids.. imagine that) I wish it were a joyful event but alas I had an important appointment so off I went. My car, unlike many newer ones with GPS built in, is solely user navigated and will not scream at me to "U-Turn! U-Turn!" if I veer off in the wrong direction. I know some of you may be saying that I could just as easily invest in a portable navigation system for my dear POS car but I simply can't bring myself to do it. Does the phrase "burglar's dream" help at all? But I digress... so I planned ahead {laughs} and printed out the mapquest directions on how to get to the site. I got there - no problem - had my appointment & back into the car I went. It wasn't until I buckled up my seatbelt that it dawned on me.... I never printed reversed directions. Nice one Sam. {and if you're nodding your head because you've been there then a big *high five* to ya} Anyhow, I pulled out the directioins and decided that I would simply reverse the directional routes using the same Freeway numbers. That should be easy enough, right?


[i think i recall seeing this exact sign]


Well the first leg of my, almost hour long, journey went smoothly. I had to speed up a few times to get around trucks so that I could see that blasted Freeway sign before the actual exits hit but I managed. Then came the big split. It was either "Do you want to go to Los Angeles or Tahoe". I did not know. LOL I decided to go to Tahoe in a rash last second decision (right before that big box truck almost hit me) and felt a bit nervous about the terrain. I didn't remember anything I was seeing. What to do?

Now let's backtrack a bit here so you can understand my state of mind at the time. I was in a place I'd never been, on unfamiliar roads that made no sense, vehicles everywhere spanning across five lanes, it's hot, my A/C is broken... are you up to speed? Ok, so here I was driving and feeling quite unsure of myself - then suddenly a bible verse came to mind. I read a book called The Mommy Diaries in which one of the stories talked about a mother being unsure of what she was supposed to be doing with her life. So there I was - driving, lost, frustrated - and suddenly Proverbs 3:5 comes to mind. The Lord said to me "You need to trust me- just let go and trust me." I said to Him "Please give me a sign". Then, naive Sam, begins looking for a sign- literally. There I was, driving down the freeway looking for some graffiti saying "Wrong Way" or something definite along those lines. In case you're wondering - it never happened.

No, the Lord laughed {at least I'm pretty sure He did} as I thought that. Instead, I suddenly came to three fast food restaurant signs that I'd seen the night before when I took Juliette to the hospital. And somehow I had enough super awesome driving ability to turn my head and look at the signs, relate back to the night before and realize that I'd seen them coming from the opposite direction. I was going the right way after all!

You may be wondering... what next? Well, I'll tell ya. I got cocky. I started driving and passed 2 exits that I KNEW how to get home from. I passed shopping areas, restaurants, roads and other assorted places that were familiar.. but I never got off the freeway. I kept going. Suddenly, as it happens to do quite frequently in this area, the freeway was surrounded by farm land again. I felt sick. Why didn't I get off? What was I waiting for?

There is a story that is often told about not seeing the signs God is sending us. Here's how it goes....

Here I was, sitting at my computer whilst waiting on cupcakes to finish baking when I, quite randomly, came across a blog by Bonny. I read her blogs and was impressed with her faithfulness to the Lord, her ability to cope with her husbands death and the ability {and strength} she holds as a fellow single mother.

As I read through her excerpts I couldn't help but stumble upon one regarding Single Parenting. This was not in any way to advocate that single-parenting outshines its dual-parenting counterpart so much as it was a compilation of her thoughts (and perhaps others?) on the Strengths and Positive aspects of the product of a Single-Parent home.

Here I am, a God-fearing single mother who couldn't help but feel a sense of "atta girl!" as I read. I hope you find the same pleasures I did

Here's a few thoughts....

Children raised in a single parent home often have to participate more in housekeeping. They learn how to do laundry, clean toilets, cook, shop, and mow the yard. My kids love to clean toilets. They have learned that if one cleans toilets while the other washes dishes or folds laundry the toilet cleaner finishes faster- which is well worth the yuck factor of toilet scrubbing. Thus, they are able to care for themselves when they leave home.
They learn how to entertain themselves. If my kids tell me that they are bored, I simply say, "Gee, I'm sorry. Do you want me to find you something to do?" They rarely tell me they are bored. They do not look to me to keep them entertained and happy. They do look to me for love and they get lots of that!

They cannot divide and conquer. My kids cannot play me against myself. Instead, they learn to negotiate one to one. Sometimes I encourage this and sometimes I let them know that something is nonnegotiable.

They learn independence. My children see through me that they can do what needs to be done. There is great value in the example of interaction in a healthy marriage. There is also great value in seeing someone overcome obstacles alone.

They learn the basics of survival in our society. My kids no longer have the option of staying at home with Daddy when I get the oil changed, pump gas, go to the bank, or shop. Since they are with me I talk to them about what I am doing. It helps them feel involved, which puts a stop to whining, and they learn about car maintenance, financial planning, keeping accounts, and shopping for value. It is easier to do these things without them, but when they are at school I am at work, so they go with me.
They learn time management. I can't do everything that two people do. I might tell them, "We need to do these five things, but there is probably only time for two or three. Which do you think are the most important things to do?"



Here she is...http://www.myservantsong.com/2009/03/single-mom.html

Help me to stand with two feet on the ground
Heavy and weighted
Sinking into the sand
The tides rushing in
as the waves crash nearby
Wide open spaces
Yet so suffocated I could die

My mind is an escape artist
Falling free from this trap
My body contained
My head in the clouds
A smile on my face
but inside my brain goes wild

The seashell rings freely
My ears open wide
My deepest desire unknown even to me
I can't think at times it seems

Of one thing am I certain
This container cannot contain its contents
Movement is necessary
Not just in my soul but on my flesh
I sit here and I ponder
Until the last moment I do not know

Closing my eyes
I bow my head
I know things are destined
and I yield to His will
Putting responsiblity before me
I know it deep within my heart
My feet will have to follow
I'll command them and make it so
The truest of my desires
Have been thrust upon me
So I must go

I know you've all been on the edge of your seats, eager with anticipation, just waiting for me to post my blog today. Well you can rest easy now - here it is!

Low and behold, despite having to stay up later because I had a still life drawing project due for school (due last night & no later) I got up this morning at 5:05 am. I struggled, still half asleep, to feel around for my cell phone. This, of course, being my only light source in a dark room where Mike is asleep - and to guide me down an even darker stairwell so as not to turn the light on & wake the kids. I fumbled around for awhile, half asleep, and at one point found myself sitting on the sofa chair sort of sleeping with my eyes awake. I mustered through it though! By 5:20 I was out the door and into the 45 degree (or less) weather. It was dark..it was cold... there was frost on the grass - and did I mention it was windy? I sound like I'm bitching so let me stop while I still have some dignity *checks for dignity* Okay, so I turned on my Robert Ullrey podcast for Week 1 and started out.

I actually found that starting & stopping between fast sprints and brisk walking is a great work out. Usually I'm doing just a straight jogging for about 1.2 miles.. but this time I did a total of 2.12 miles & it was really great. After 2 more sessions I will be increasing speed & working more of focused breathing (through the nose people!) and distance. I've got high hopes for myself. The only problem is that I feel like I'm going to be lost tomorrow not running - it is my rest day. *sigh* I can see the importance of it since going every night is overtraining. I guess I could just got for a nice, looong, walk with the kiddos (and probably will - they love them)

On a different note.. Juliebear had her checkup today for her ears (due to the double infection after having tubes inserted less than 3 weeks ago) and all is well. My instaincts tell me she's going to be just fine but I don't remember having any problems with fluids expulsion when Jake had his. ? ;/

In about a mont the kids are going out to see nonny & poppa (mom&dad) who are going to spoil the living daylights out of them. They're even going to YellowStone National Park. WTF? I can recall growing up thinking that riding my bike down to Deb's ice cream was a real trip... and they get to go to YellowStone? How does that work?

Ah grandparenthood...the time when you can make up for your failures as a parent. (kidding people, geesh!) Seriously, I am very excited for them to have the opportunity to go visit with my family. They'll be treated the way I wish I could treat them & afforded all the luxuries a child could want (besides a dog.. or a horse.. they're not getting on a plane with that)

Anyhoo... all done ranting for today. Look for updates (possibly pictures?) tomorrow.

Today I was BWW (browsing while working) and saw a website called Couch25K. I happened upon the site while browsing for some new running shoes or tips on how to care for shin splints with minimal time off from my runs. Apparently this site gives you the tools necessary to be running 5K in 45 minutes within 9 weeks.

So I bookmarked the site and said to my Facebook 'family' that I am, myself, now determined to be running a 5K. My cousin then sent me a link to a woman's site to a woman's sitewho lost 120 pounds (!!) using this very approach. She, on her blog, has linked the very 'podcasts' (tutorials with inspriational coaching & music to listen to while running -seen here - for each of the 9 weeks. I'm so STOKED & she looks A M A Z I N G in her before & afters. Go ahead momma! That's gonna be me. (well not 120 because then I'd be damn near extinct)

Anyhow, the point of all of this is that I was reviewing the week 1 routine and thought "huh?". Its so freakin simple. I run 1-1.5 miles now and this guy is telling me that i only need to be running 3 days a week. That rest is vital to strenghtening yourself for running 5K and beyond. So... *sigh* I will do it.

The first week consists of a brisk five minute walking warm-up, followed by eight 60 second interval runs. A 90 second recovery will follow each interval and you finish with a 5 minute cooldown. It's supposed to be done 3 days a week (M, W , F) with a day for rest in between.

*Now imagine me walking away from the computer* ...

Let the 5K journey begin...you coming or what?

Here's a song I like. I've put it here for no other reason other than that I want to get it out of my head. If I expose all of you to it I will be freeing my own mind too... right? :)

Why is it that every day we are here on Earth we don't take the time out to watch a sun rise in the sky...to listen to the sound of the tree branches crackling in the wind.... or truly take in the smiles of our children?

I've been exposed to so many losses of life this year that my heart began feeling so very heavy. I hurt for other people, even if I know them not, and shed tears when I hear that the smallest of us {a child} has gone on to Heaven. But, right now in this very moment, I am light of heart & so thankful for the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. {Tayla Rose, Jacob Kenneth & Juliette Grace}

There is nothing that we can do to ensure that tomorrow will play out just exactly as we've envisioned it. Tomorrow is not promised – it's so true. With everything I've read I know one thing to be certain – you should be thankful for the people who are in your life, love with the entire capacity of your heart {and then some}, forget the small things and touch, hug, feel, embrace and enjoy your loved ones...never forgetting to take in the beauty that God has put before us. {Earth}

I know that one day my time here on this Earth will be over. I don't know when that day will be but I pray it is before one of my children leave to be with the Father. I can't fathom – even imagine – what life would be like without them but today I read so many stories of mothers, just like me, who have lost their children. And it is stories like those that remind me to treasure them.. so sad to admit that frustrations & lack of time sometimes tear me away from doing so – but it's the case.

Today reminds me that I cannot fully protect them, have no control over their lives in the grand scheme of things and that each day should be lived loving them as much as possible. They are a true gift from Heaven… and I just thank the Lord from the bottom of my heart for gifting & entrusting me with my children. They are God's gift.. and all that I can do is to raise them up right, be kind and gentle but firm and fair. To kiss their foreheads every night and cradle them in my arms whenever they desire {or even if they don't}. I am so.. so blessed.

And this blog really has absolutely nothing to do with anything other than my own {re-} recognition that life is precious and that my children are the most important people on this Earth. I have them to raise them up right in the way that they will know the Father and will be a blessing to everyone else around them. I sit at work but wish I could swoop them up, cover them with my arms and hold them close forever.. but I can't.

If you knew that tomorrow wasn't promised {and you should} what would you do differently? Would you love more? Would you laugh louder? Hug .. kiss … smile more? Live today for tomorrow. Love . Love. Just LOVE.

Life is bittersweet – the important thing to remember is to never forget to enjoy the sweet {love, compassion, empathy, kindness, beauty, faith, warm embraces, smiles, laughter and I-love-you's} part of life and stop worrying about the rest. Have faith that God will see you through, that "this too shall pass" and truly Live.

I think that pretty much explains my philosophy on most every venture I start out on. With me things are either a hit or miss - and this blogging thing is not any different. I'm excited about the idea of it. Sharing my thoughts, rants, raves, intimate moments {hmmm} and so on with others in the virtual world. After, of course, I've fully weighed the words of my uncle "What goes on the internet stays on the internet...forever".

So many people have this misconception that they can simply "delete". With all the technology of mankind there is no real deletion of anything we type out here in the wide, wide web. It's all out there so think twice before you open your mouth. If only I applied that to my real life. ;) But I digress, the reason for this post is to push me outside of my poetry postings and into the realm of the "be humorous, intelligent and relatable" world of blogging. *waves*

Anyhow... I hope you enjoy my posts {or not} and look forward to your comments.

xoxo
samie joe

March 26, 2009

If only sunshine could last forever and let me bask in the warmth of its effect
wrapping around me i am thoughtless and feel nothing but peace
but then the sunshine is goneit fades too quickly behind a cloud of darkness
and on its own the cloud is not the enemy
in idea it is nothing but a fluffy white specimen of the skies
but when placed in front of the sun it becomes the enemy
not because i intend it to bebut because it simply is
it sits there and does nothing but mock me...
only moving when the sun tries to break free
it is heavy and filled with sadness and soon raindrops are formed and begin falling onto my face
they pour from the cloud and soak my body completely
i try to make them disappear
and its so easy to do at first there are so few and i am larger than these tiny droplets that want to ruin me
so i rub my skin to scoff at these drop of sadness
if i rub hard enough they will vanish and be absorbed by my skin
i just know itmy skin is my body and my body is my strength
i am confident i am strong. . i am ignorant
but then the tiny drops keep falling
from the heavens they fall it seems
because that is what my mind tells me these come from above . i know it. they must
what other explanation could there be
suddenly i can't wipe them away i become consumed with the rain
the droplets now form a blanket that surrounds me
a blanket of water that is not water it is sadness, anger, fear, shame, guilt
i try to find a towel...something... something to wipe up the rain
but a towel would do nothing it would merely mask the reality of the raindrops that are still falling
i cry
and the raindrops...they pour over me
MAKE THEM STOP i shout
but they come faster and faster
i cannot breatheuntil i remember the sun
and i look to the heavens and though i do not see it, i know it is there
so i wait... and the rain keeps falling
my mind tells me these waters will consume me
but my heart knows the truth
it is weakened and i am shaken
yet i know, deep down, that the sun will rescue me
raindrops are falling faster now where is the sun
why has it left me
the waters are rising around me
tiny raindrops are now flood waters quickly rising around my core
i know that i will drown in my sorrows
alone and afraid
its the only reasonable outcome
i look at the heavens
i am angry and teardrops form in my own eyes
but i cannot feel them, i feel nothing but the water
thunder strikes
so loud that it echos in my head and it is then that i look up
and see a tiny light beaming down on me through the clouds
it is then that i remember
i remember that the sun is there
it is unseen but it is there and it is real
for i have felt its warmth and have seen it in my life before
and soon the sun breaks through the cloud completely
it is brighter now than ever before
and it absorbs every drop of rain that surrounds me my spirit is lifted
and i dance
i splash until the tiny reminents of puddles are completely gone
and i am warm again
i am in the presence of the sun and there is not a raindrop in sight
the floodwaters that intended to consume me are gone
they've receded into the crevices of the earth in fear of the sun
and i am no longer trying to keep my head above water
i feel such peace
the world is suddenly beautiful
as if i'm seeing it through new eyes
oh yes i know that the cloud will come back
and that it will try once again to consume me with its troubles
but this time the battle is mine to be won
for though the waters may rise
i know in my heart that i am protected
i need no oar
no boat
no umbrella
simply the sun
but for now i simply lay on the ground staring at the sun
basking in its warmth
with my eyes closed
i think back to what was and remember that no matter where i'm at the sun is still shining
though i cannot see it or feel its warmth
it is there
and soon enough
when i think i can handle no more
it will appear and drown my sorrows
wash away my fears
wrap tightly around my body
just as a father embraces his daughter
or a mother grabs hold of her son
the son will protect us and love usit will keep us dry in the storms
and is more powerful than any cloud in the world

4/8/09
there is slience in the air
the tiny peanuts cannot combine any longer
they have been rained upon by expectation
the spoon wants to turn them into butterpeanut butter
it can be so wonderful, whether warm or cold
it all depends on whether you like it everyone says
its the best to have on sliced bread.. or toast
alone the peanuts whisper quietly to others like them
they tell their innermost thoughts
but let not the spoon hear anything of it or it will come with disaster
scoop them out or peel off their layers one by one
there must be nothing that changes in the world of the peanut
but the peanut wants not to be peanut butter
to live happily and combine with the jelly life expects of it
peanut butter and jelly
its so completely and utterly normal
you fixate on it and automatically assume things about it
their perfect for one another on sliced bread... or toast
so the peanuts remain silent sitting in a canon a shelf
watching the other bolder nuts dance about
flying in the air without concernhow do they do that
nuts dont flypoor little peanuts shhhhhhdon't wake the spoon
walk quietlyuntil the container lid shutssealing them inside
safelyexactly how they want to befree to roam about almost flying through the air
but without fear of falling
because peanuts know better
they are, after all, the smartest nut of all

Some write about love or the feelings of pain
always trying to improve but never having any gain
they think about things that matter not to themselves
but wonder, out of curiousity, should i be more like someone else
thinking can cause madness , looking the same
wondering what made me so different and yet we've both been here in the same way
I look at him sleeping as he is so peaceful in his rest
and i wonder if i'll ever be wearing the magical dress..
some laugh and say nonsense, myself once i think
but when i see him i notice that he really makes me me
he sees the person i can be, who i have been and who i am
he loves me regardless and knows i'm just sam
not some magical like figure who can take away the pain
or a supermodel girlfriend- just there for one date
i'm not even his best friend though i consider him mine
i'm just the girl that loves him and will always be by his side
demons or chaos... i care not what comes
just to know him and to love him is enough for this one
i dont know if it will happen or when or if it should
but i know that i would say yes if i ever even could
i think of him constantly like the words on a paper
never fading or dwindling , only making more sense by the pages
i turn one by one and look back on my life
and i cant remember a time when i ever wanted to be someones wife
but with him it feels different though i'm scared out of my head
i just know that we're perfect
like butter on warm bread
he melts my heart and i can't think sometimes when he is near
he makes me smile, makes me giggly.. makes me feel just so real
i could write and think forever of all the ways that i care
but i'll stop just for a moment to say i'll always be there
there will be good times , even bad times, even times we dont know
but i know that i'll be here as long as you never go

May 23, 2008

If I knew it would be the last time that I'd see you fall asleep, Iwould tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to keep.If I knew it would be the last time that I get to see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more.If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up to praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming that you KNOW I do.If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, instead of thinking, "Oh, well, I'm sure we'll have so many more, so I can let this one slip away."For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything all right. There will always be another day to say " I love you," and certainly there's always another chance.But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd liketo say how much I love you and hope we never forget.Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So, if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day that you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or kiss, and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their last wish.So, hold your loved ones close today, whisper in their ear. Tellthem how much you love them, and that you'll always hold them dear. Take the time to say " I'm sorry," "please forgive me," "thank you," or "it's ok." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.

August 27, 2007

Writing, to me, is an essential part of the human existence. It is a way to capture your thoughts and express them in a manner that allows others into the depths of your mind. What better way to find out who a person truly is than to read their writing? In this day and age the internet seems to be an ever growing way for people to express themselves to millions in a very distant and, at the same time, intimate way. We can read thoughts, find humor in and get to know one another through the very words we type. It's amazing how captivating words can be and how we can reflect upon our own lives when reading writings of the past.

From birth our words are powerful. The very first utterance or babbling of a word as simple as "mama" or "dada" sends warmth into the heart of new parents. When my children first babbled these utterances it was as if though they had suddenly become little people. It's absolutely amazing how powerful what we say can be and what effect it can have on others.

Words can craft million dollar libel suits. Words can raise the moral of downhearted troops. Words can soothe a crying child. Words can degrade others. Words can describe in detail what a mere picture can barely reflect. Words are lasting.

And yet no amount of spoken or digitally recorded words will ever have such lasting effects as that of the written word. The Bible says that "in the beginning was the Word" (John 1:1). Jesus taught that "Heaven and earth will pass away, but not my words" (Mark 13:31). The gift of language has been one of God's greatest blessings and I hope that when I write, people don't just read my thoughts, they think about them for years to come.

January 09, 2007

Fuck you and your constant state of self pity
Fuck you and your piercing eyes and gorgeous smile
Fuck you and your misrepresentation of who you are and what youre after
Fuck you and your feelings about everything but openess to nothing self related
Fuck you and your past relationships you hold on to like precious sentiments that cause you pain - it eventually becomes self inflicted
Fuck you and your job and your money that will bring you nothing out of life because anything worth having has no price tag
Fuck you and your meaningless bullshit about a possibility that will never happen
Fuck you for allowing me to consider you a friend when deep down all you want is to try to get in my pants
Fuck you

December 6, 2006

Nothing is perfect and nothing promised
Just take a chance to allow your heart to guide you
Beauty outside but abundantly it flows within
Open your eyes and truly take it all in
Warmth, friendship and smiles are already there
But the passion and commitment lie waiting beneath the stare
Not sudden, not forced.. only natural and sincere
Don't lag too far behind because its so beautifully clear

November 18, 2006

Sarcastic wit
and a smile that doesn't quit
Lips to die for left an uncontrolable desire for more
Like a giant towering over many
Yet gentle, sweet and genuinely funny
For a moment feelings of being special did occur
Twisted in my thoughts I could barely even feel
Turning around just to get one last kiss
"How could I walk away from a moment like this?"
Thoughts flying wildly around in my head
What am I doing with a man like this
Questionable objects arising in my finds
Then to be rejected as the night began to unwind
I can't deny the feeling that began to surface in my heart
I guess what I thought was a possibility really never was
A whole remains inside my heart and I look up toward the sky
Why did I think there could have been - I thought maybe this could be that guy
Not now, not soon but possibly... just seemed like the chemsitry was there
The way he said "beautiful" or maybe how he touched my hair
It hurt a bit to wake and feel as if I'd been forgotten
Maybe that's just His way of saying it just wasn't going to happen

November 11, 2006

It's too late to break my heart
You can't make me cry because the tears won't fall
The way that you acted and the things that you said
Made me feel like to you I was already dead
It's okay though I'll move on
Because I'm not like them, I can be strong
You can't hurt me anymore than what you have
I just hope that in life your mistakes don't turn out too bad
You can all laugh at my commitment to saying this but it's true
In everything you do I hope that you stay well, and I will pray for you

November 09, 2006


She wants to love him
and for him to love her
But in his eyes he cannot see
What was obviously so meant to be
Someone special... someone genuine... a girl who's down for the ride
She just can't find the words to express her confusion
Its as if she's living in a constant dillusion
He does but he don't, Will but he won't
Everything changes from day to day
Is she the first thing on your mind when you wake?
He should tell her how much he loves her and call her just because
Let her know she's special even when he feels lost
Because she'll be there when they are all drunk and are worried about themselves
She's got the bandages to mend his heart if only he'd give her the chance
But she won't chase him, she refuses to go down that road
It only leads to heart ache and to misery that would be yet untold
So she writes a simple poem to let him know just how she feels
Maybe one day he'll open his eyes and see what's truly real

November 1, 2006

There once was a girl, a very pretty girl
She was smart, she was funny, she was full of love inside
One day she met a man, it seemed he was lucky to be alive
From the moment he looked at the girl he knew he no longer had to hide
They could talk about almost anything, day or night.. it mattered not
She would visit him just to make him smile
She'd write him notes and laugh alot
They were meant to be it seemed, yet so much stood in the way
Until one day tragedy struck and the girl then passed away
The man rethought all he'd done, and the things he didn't do
He regreted not telling her how he felt, he only wished that she knew
His eyes filled up with tears as he realized she was gone
This woman who brought sunshine into his life, who he'd felt so strongly for for so long
He always knew he could be himself, that he could tell her anything
And regreted times when he couldn't pick up the phone because he was ashamed of where he'd been
Yet, every time she would find out she'd tell him it was okay
That tomorrow he could begin his baby steps, that it would be a brand new day
Suddenly the man woke up and realized it was all just a dream
He realized how much she truly loved him and that he wanted to begin to treat her like a queen
He sat for awhile and almost doubted that he could be the man she truly loved
But knew inside that in spite of his flaws, that it was him she was thinking of
So he picked up the phone and dialed her number and heard her cheerful voice
Then began to weep and he realized that all along she'd been the perfect choice

This, being my very first post - ever, is like a whole new world for me. Somewhere that I can pop the top on my brain to release my thoughts before they start spewing from my ears. Let's be honest, I could simply start a journal and write down my every thought throughout the day - but then my hand would hurt & you wouldn't be able to enjoy the nonsense I think of. That wouldn't be fun for anyone, now would it? No.

So this is my sanctuary where there is limited, if any, censorship and I can talk without witnessing the rolling of eyes. That's a beautiful thing. There is so much in my life and inside my head that I'd love to share with others (talking to yourself is looked down on these days) so here's my chance. Hope you enjoy - now let's hold hands, jump in and if you sink - I'm lettin go.