April 8, 2009
March 26, 2009
If only sunshine could last forever and let me bask in the warmth of its effect
wrapping around me i am thoughtless and feel nothing but peace
but then the sunshine is goneit fades too quickly behind a cloud of darkness
and on its own the cloud is not the enemy
in idea it is nothing but a fluffy white specimen of the skies
but when placed in front of the sun it becomes the enemy
not because i intend it to bebut because it simply is
it sits there and does nothing but mock me...
only moving when the sun tries to break free
it is heavy and filled with sadness and soon raindrops are formed and begin falling onto my face
they pour from the cloud and soak my body completely
i try to make them disappear
and its so easy to do at first there are so few and i am larger than these tiny droplets that want to ruin me
so i rub my skin to scoff at these drop of sadness
if i rub hard enough they will vanish and be absorbed by my skin
i just know itmy skin is my body and my body is my strength
i am confident i am strong. . i am ignorant
but then the tiny drops keep falling
from the heavens they fall it seems
because that is what my mind tells me these come from above . i know it. they must
what other explanation could there be
suddenly i can't wipe them away i become consumed with the rain
the droplets now form a blanket that surrounds me
a blanket of water that is not water it is sadness, anger, fear, shame, guilt
i try to find a towel...something... something to wipe up the rain
but a towel would do nothing it would merely mask the reality of the raindrops that are still falling
i cry
and the raindrops...they pour over me
MAKE THEM STOP i shout
but they come faster and faster
i cannot breatheuntil i remember the sun
and i look to the heavens and though i do not see it, i know it is there
so i wait... and the rain keeps falling
my mind tells me these waters will consume me
but my heart knows the truth
it is weakened and i am shaken
yet i know, deep down, that the sun will rescue me
raindrops are falling faster now where is the sun
why has it left me
the waters are rising around me
tiny raindrops are now flood waters quickly rising around my core
i know that i will drown in my sorrows
alone and afraid
its the only reasonable outcome
i look at the heavens
i am angry and teardrops form in my own eyes
but i cannot feel them, i feel nothing but the water
thunder strikes
so loud that it echos in my head and it is then that i look up
and see a tiny light beaming down on me through the clouds
it is then that i remember
i remember that the sun is there
it is unseen but it is there and it is real
for i have felt its warmth and have seen it in my life before
and soon the sun breaks through the cloud completely
it is brighter now than ever before
and it absorbs every drop of rain that surrounds me my spirit is lifted
and i dance
i splash until the tiny reminents of puddles are completely gone
and i am warm again
i am in the presence of the sun and there is not a raindrop in sight
the floodwaters that intended to consume me are gone
they've receded into the crevices of the earth in fear of the sun
and i am no longer trying to keep my head above water
i feel such peace
the world is suddenly beautiful
as if i'm seeing it through new eyes
oh yes i know that the cloud will come back
and that it will try once again to consume me with its troubles
but this time the battle is mine to be won
for though the waters may rise
i know in my heart that i am protected
i need no oar
no boat
no umbrella
simply the sun
but for now i simply lay on the ground staring at the sun
basking in its warmth
with my eyes closed
i think back to what was and remember that no matter where i'm at the sun is still shining
though i cannot see it or feel its warmth
it is there
and soon enough
when i think i can handle no more
it will appear and drown my sorrows
wash away my fears
wrap tightly around my body
just as a father embraces his daughter
or a mother grabs hold of her son
the son will protect us and love usit will keep us dry in the storms
and is more powerful than any cloud in the world